CREW POSITION

 WHAT THEY DO

 WHAT THEY REALLY DO

 WHAT THEY WANT TO DO

 PRODUCER

 Organize the whole show

 Sign checks & fire people

 Direct

 DIRECTOR

The BIG One.
The HOLY One.
The Visionary

 Stomp their feet and yell at actors

 Collect residuals

 ASST. DIRECTOR

 Assist the Director with scheduling and organize the shoot

 Stomp their feet and yell at the crew

 Direct

 2nd ASST. DIRECTOR

 Assist the assistant Director

 Baby-sit actors and annoy the crew

 Be the 1st Asst. Director

 2nd 2nd ASST. DIRECTOR

 Assist the asst. to the assistant Director

 Lock up

 Be a parking PA

 DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY

 Supremo of Lighting & Photography

 Ignore Gaffer & glare at the Dolly Grip

 Give an interview to American Cinematographer

 CAMERA OPERATOR

 Operate the camera under auspice of the DP

Eat Donuts & glare at the Dolly Grip

 Be a real DP

 ASST. CAMERA

 Pull focus, load & care for the camera

 Try to get the crew's respect by inflating self-importance

 Shoot

 2nd ASST. CAMERA

 Load Mags

 Hang out in the bag

 Pull focus

 STEADICAM

 Operate the Steadicam

 Drop names & glare at the Dolly Grip

 Be a real DP

 SCRIPT SUPERVISOR

 Note script/shot/scene information for editing

 Sit where the fill light is going to be

 Write screenplays & Direct

 ART DIRECTOR

 In charge of making the set look like the Director's vision

 Mope around wishing for a bigger budget

 Direct

 PROP MASTER

 In charge of the props and artsy gags on the set

 Drink coffee, eat cheese, & apply double-sticktape

 Be an Art Director

 CARPENTER

 Build sets & do woodwork

 Make sawdust & take coffeebreaks

 Star in own home improvement show

 SCENIC ARTIST

 Paint sets & backdrops

 Borrow grip ladders & gossip with Set Dressers

 Be an art star in Soho

 GAFFER

 Head Electrician

 Schmooze with the DP & make lots of phone calls

 Sit on the dolly & shoot

 BEST BOY

 Gaffer's right-hand man

 Cut gels & check
tie-in

 Be the Gaffer & make phone calls

 3rd ELECTRIC

 Set lights. Run cable

 Replace blown fuses & curse coffee machines &hair dryers

 Play with C-Stands

 GENNY OPERATOR

 Monitor frequency & voltage of generator

 Eat donuts & yakyakyak

 Write screenplays

 KEY GRIP

 In charge of set safety, rigging & cutting light

 Make phone calls

 Be home sleeping

 BEST BOY GRIP

 The Key's right-hand man

 Check out craft service for Key's favorite food

 Be home sleeping

 DOLLY GRIP

 Perform dolly moves

 Try to stay awake

 Be in the field rigging with the other grips

 3rdGRIP

 Staging & supplying equipment on the set

 Hump sandbags, make beaverboards

 Be the King Grip & take more naps

 SOUND MIXER

 In charge of recording sound

 Hang out where the key light is going to be

 Tell the whole world to shut the @#&$ up!

 BOOM OPERATOR

 Place mic via boom pole in optimal position

 Knock over grip stands and make shadows

 Finish reading the Times

 VIDEO ASSIST

 Record video tap for review by Director

 Sit around & eat jelly donuts

Sit around &  eat cream donuts

 MAKE UP ARTIST

 Make Talent Beautiful

 Gossip with Wardrobe

 Madonna's nails

 HAIR STYLIST

 Make hair big & beautiful

 Gossip with Make Up

 Madonna's hair

 STYLIST

 In charge of Talent's wardrobe

 Look at fashion mags & gossip with Make Up

 Madonna's clothes

 PRODUCTION ASSISTANT

 A little bit of everything for everyone

 Ask what a cube tap is, and buy unripe fruit

 Direct & write

 INTERN / TRAINEE

 A student learning the biz

Stand around & look confused 

 Be a PA